Hannah got her braces off on Thursday. When I made the appointment, the receptionist asked sweetly if I could come in “next Thursday at 8:30,” and because I am an idiot, I said, “Yes.” Sometimes my brain doesn’t work and I think I really can get somewhere with kids in tow, by 8:30 in the morning. It didn’t really hit me until last night when I was on my way to bed and was setting the alarm to get up in the morning, that I had actually made an appointment for 8:30 in the morning. What was I thinking? I won’t be doing that again, until I do, because it’s bound to happen again, after I’ve forgotten what it was like this morning.
We were 10 minutes late, which I HATE being late for anything, (Unless it’s gymnastics and I’m trying not to lose my cool, and we know how that turned out.) and the receptionist called me on my cell phone just as I was pulling into the parking lot, to see if we were actually coming. Lovely. She was very nice and it wasn’t a problem, but I felt like I should have a good excuse for being 10 minutes late. I wanted to say, “you know I actually have 7 kids” to her, “it is physically impossible to get anywhere by 8:30 in the morning”, but I couldn’t use that excuse today, I only had 3 with me and the other 4 were home in bed. And besides, I really don’t like to use that excuse, out loud, to people, because I think I should be just as put together and wonderful as people who don’t have kids, but I’m not. I try to pretend that I am, because whenever you have a large family, and something goes wrong it’s “because you have too many kids.” You’re late, and it’s because you have too many kids, you’re having financial troubles, and it’s because you have too many kids, you wear your sweats to the grocery store and your hair is a wreck, and it’s because you have too many kids. And, in reality it may be because you have a lot of kids, but not because you have too many kids. And you don’t want people to look at you that way, as one of “those families,” with too many kids, because you don’t feel like you have too many kids, just a lot of kids which equals a lot of love and busyness. I wouldn’t trade all of it for anything, but I feel like I can’t have a problem or complain about things being hard, because you know, “I brought this on myself” by having too many kids. When in reality, if I didn’t have any children or just a couple I still wouldn’t be perfect. I would still have problems, I still would be late occasionally, I would still have a bad hair day, or forget something important, but those things wouldn’t be seen as a result of having too many kids. I wish people appreciated large families more, and were more understanding, because children are a blessing from God, and there is nothing more wonderful in the world than a child, instead of saying things like, “You definitely don’t need any more,” and, “You’re not having any more are you!” Because, maybe I want more. And, why is it anyone else’s business anyway. That decision is between me, my husband, and God After all, I am the one going crazy and wearing my sweats to the store (not really, but it could happen).
My life is much more full now, more full than it has ever been, more full of children, more full of work and craziness, more full of problems, and running around like a chicken with my head cut off, but it is so much more full of love and goodness as well. And, more children could lead to more craziness certainly, but it would also certainly, lead to an even fuller heart and a much fuller life.
Thanks for listening to my little rant.
P.S. The word “fuller” is not used correctly in this post. Do not try this at school.
(This rant was in no way a result of how I was treated by the receptionist at the orthodontist’s office.)